My husband and I sat on the balcony of a vacation home overlooking the Caribbean Sea. We were able to have deep conversations in this place. Feeling so removed from our problems, it was easy to put words into what I had been feeling for the last eight months.
Overwhelming sadness.
In June of 2022, we lost someone we loved dearly to a self-inflicted injury. How do you go forward with all the feelings of “what if…?" How do you deal with the feeling of loss and grief when you’re not sure when it will hit you? How do you explain that even though your human heart is broken, you aren’t without hope?
I go through all my daily routines, and suddenly somebody will mention something that has me gasping for air through tears. I wake up some mornings unable to send a text message about what’s going on with one of our children to the very person that was his advocate. I also wake up smiling some days, knowing this world is not our end.
In the Gospels, we hear about Mary, Martha, and their brother Lazarus. After Lazarus has died, this takes place, “Jesus wept. So the Jews were saying, ‘See how He loved him!’” (John 11:35-36 NASB). Jesus, the Son of God, who was going to raise Lazarus from the dead a few moments later, cried over the loss of his friend.
I believe that in that moment, Jesus felt a tangible sadness. I believe He was so grieved, not only for the loss but also for the sorrow of others around Him, that it moved Him to tears. I believe he loved Lazarus. I believe that he also felt the immense hope of resurrection.
This hope didn’t replace his sadness. It didn’t negate the feelings of those around him. This hope was sitting on the outskirts of his sorrow. Hope and sadness existed together.
I invite you to see that those two exist in your life together. How can we see the reality of hope and sadness in our daily lives?
Overwhelming sadness.
In June of 2022, we lost someone we loved dearly to a self-inflicted injury. How do you go forward with all the feelings of “what if…?" How do you deal with the feeling of loss and grief when you’re not sure when it will hit you? How do you explain that even though your human heart is broken, you aren’t without hope?
I go through all my daily routines, and suddenly somebody will mention something that has me gasping for air through tears. I wake up some mornings unable to send a text message about what’s going on with one of our children to the very person that was his advocate. I also wake up smiling some days, knowing this world is not our end.
In the Gospels, we hear about Mary, Martha, and their brother Lazarus. After Lazarus has died, this takes place, “Jesus wept. So the Jews were saying, ‘See how He loved him!’” (John 11:35-36 NASB). Jesus, the Son of God, who was going to raise Lazarus from the dead a few moments later, cried over the loss of his friend.
I believe that in that moment, Jesus felt a tangible sadness. I believe He was so grieved, not only for the loss but also for the sorrow of others around Him, that it moved Him to tears. I believe he loved Lazarus. I believe that he also felt the immense hope of resurrection.
This hope didn’t replace his sadness. It didn’t negate the feelings of those around him. This hope was sitting on the outskirts of his sorrow. Hope and sadness existed together.
I invite you to see that those two exist in your life together. How can we see the reality of hope and sadness in our daily lives?
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5 Comments
Love this message Sarah. I have felt and still feel all these emotions even after almost 8 years without my husband.
It is hard to put into words how grief affects us. I find my mind thinking in two different worlds. One before he passed and the other now after he is gone. It forever changes you and always stays with you. But praise be to God that we don't have to stay in deep sorrow. There is hope and peace in the grief we have. I'm so thankful for that promise and live it daily. 💜
Oh Sarah, your post hit me on so many levels this morning. I have also lost two people to suicide in my lifetime. I completely understand that deep pain and the never ending "what ifs" that can pop in at anytime. Even 40 years later :'(
I also live daily with a very present grief of loosing my husband minute by minute and there is nothing I can do to stop the process.
Jesus is my only hope, my only thread of comfort, each time pain threatens to enter a scripture, a promise, can help chase it away. I must dig deep to gather a piece of joy.
Hugs to you and thank you for sharing💜
Jesus is our only hope! I think about my old self, how I depended on so many other things including my own strength. It's so much better to trust in God's strength.
Sarah...such a heart-felt and beautiful message today. Like the song says..."Jesus Christ is our living hope!" Prayers as you journey through your grief.💓
I loved your words today. â¤ï¸
With my mother's declining memory there is much sadness because she doesn't understand things some days. How well put that sadness and joy can coincide in our hearts together. There is hope in Jesus!