Freely Speaking with Laura

I remember sitting on the church floor on a summer Sunday night with crayons and paper. At the age of 4, I didn’t have a great attention span, but something the pastor said spoke to me. He gave an altar call, and I got up to go. My mom stopped me, thinking I didn’t understand. I understood that I needed Jesus. The next day, I knelt and prayed at the “altar” in my kiddie pool. God has faithfully kept me close to Him since that day.

Life has been a roller coaster. My husband, three biological kids, and I enjoyed the best of life for several years. God’s favor gave us a good income, a lovely home, and travel opportunities. As empty nesters, God asked us to adopt and sent us four kiddos from foster care. With them came heartbreaking stories and ensuing issues. Shortly after that, we lost everything. We have lived inexplicable pain and navigated unimaginable difficulties over the past 15 years.

I have whined and screamed at God while sobbing uncontrollably and endured countless sleepless nights wrestling with God, trying to make sense of why. Understanding still does not come.

I could be bitter, but by God’s amazing grace, I love Him more than ever. The crushing changed me but did not destroy me. I have repeatedly accused God of abandoning me, but He never left my side. My faith is deeper and stronger. Amid all the chaos and pain, there is undeniable, unexplainable peace. When it seems I will lose my mind and come unglued, He wraps his arms around me and holds me together. He is my strength. He is my peace. He is my hope. It doesn’t make sense, but it’s true. He is true.

“Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all” (2 Corinthians 4:16-17 NIV).